WE'RE ALL MAD HERE

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22.
I like a lot of different stuff.




I don’t know what got me thinking about you, but I am. I’ve known for years that you used me when you didn’t have anyone else. I just loved you that much that I made myself believe that wasn’t the case. More than one person pointed it out and I still denied it. You’d think I was talking about a stupid boy. I guess that’s what makes it so much worse. You were supposed to be my friend, regardless of when, where we were together or who was in your life at the moment.

In the middle of high school, you became friends with new people, one of whom was a royal cunt, and cut me out. I know it was because I wasn’t like them. I thought we grew apart. I realize now you were embarrassed of me.

Senior year came around and it was amazing. I was unafraid and happy. I had made so many different friends and acquaintances, including people you grew to be friends with. So I was accepted by you again. The year went by and you were a constant variable in my life. Then graduation came and we didn’t have school and the cafeteria. I was busy working and you were too. So when your birthday rolled around I asked what you wanted. You ignored me again. And then I found out I wasn’t invited. Now, call me arrogant, but it was like the brakes squealed in my head. Why? We’re supposed to be friends, right? So why wasn’t I invited? I should have known. I let it roll off my back and I started school and so did you. Then I used school as an excuse for you not contacting me even though, again, I texted you all the time.

My first Winter break from college was one of the best months I ever had. I hung out with you almost every single day. I thought we were getting our old friendship back. After that month it turned into once a year that you would contact me to hang out no matter how many times I texted you (and you ignored me). I can’t even remember the last time I spoke to you. I understand people grow apart, but again, that’s no what happened. It’s like you took a pair of scissors to your life and cut along the dotted line and I was thrown away, a scrap of paper no one needed.

I don’t remember the last time I saw you. I don’t remember the last time I spoke to you. I’m pretty sure that if I wasn’t “friends”-what a joke-with you on Facebook, I’d probably wouldn’t recognize you.

A part of me hopes you text me one day and we can hang out, but another part of me hopes you don’t because I know I can’t say no to you. I still care. You can cut me out that easily, but that doesn’t mean I can do the same. I’m not like that. I don’t do that without good reason.

I’ve only ever done that with one other, because he was a terrible person. I still care, but you’re on thin ice to become the second. But who am I kidding? You probably won’t care. You probably won’t notice.

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